If Zach Anner Doesn't Win I Will Cry and Possibly Kick a Puppy.

Oprah has taken a break from her book club and swimming in her wave pool of cash a la Scrooge McDuck in order to set up a little contest. She wants to give one of us peasants our very own show to play on the Teevee.

Naturally, about a bajillion people have submitted video auditions for their various show ideas. Some are probably legit, most are bullshit. NONE OF THEM MATTER!!!

The winner is already obvious. His name is Zach Anner, and he's awesome.

Zach has Cerebral Palsy, which he notes is "the sexiest of the palsies," and he wants to create a travel show for people who never thought they could travel. I love this on so many levels. He makes me laugh in that way where you can't breathe and you're not making any noise, just contorting your face like a gargoyle of mirth.

I adore his show concept. It's original and would actually serve a purpose. My grandparents spent much of their lives not going anywhere. Part of this was due to a depressing lack of interest, but part of it was because they were nervous about things they couldn't plan for or control. This would have been a great show for them.

All the other levels, I can't really put in to words other than to say: Zach is awesome. Please vote for him.

I don't know how to get his original audition to embed here, and even if I did, I wouldn't. Oprah might come after me, and I really value my knees and ability to not be in prison. You can find his hilarious audition tape here. Watch it now and fall in love like I did.

In light of his (hopefully) imminent victory, Zach also recorded a pilot for his show which I have embedded for your viewing pleasure.



Recently there have been some shenanigans afoot on the contest site. Somehow a competing submission for "Dr. Phyllis," a self help/advice show of some sort, (read: "BOOOORRINGGG,") racked up an astounding 300,000 votes in 20 minutes to take the lead from Zach. Fortunately the nerd masses of the intertubes caught the change, cried foul, and Zach has since regained the lead thanks to their subsequent nerd marketing efforts. But we need to make sure this can't happen again. If Zach doesn't win I will cry and I refuse to be held responsible for the well being of any small animals in the vicinity. Vote for ZACH! Do it for the puppies.

(ZachAnner)